Automiguel Industries.

And the Midwest melts beneath the sawdust sky...
Home     News     Poetry     Fiction     Nonfiction     Visuals     Confessions     Realizations     Horoscope     Submissions     Weather     Calendar     About Us     FAQ     Contact Us     Links      
Frequently Asked Questions?
 
 

Q: I am trying to order a pizza and my cell phone is telling me that I have no reception. Yet If I were to call 911, the connection would be crystal clear.  Obviously, the capability is there.  Why isn't my provider giving it to me?

A: Unfortunately, this is just another example of urgencyism, a growing problem in the United States.  Millions of Americans fall victim to this viscious practice on a daily basis, and they don't even know it.  It happens when individuals are given preferencial treatment based solely on their state of emergency.  Fortunately, your problem has a simple solution.  Call 911 and kindly ask them to patch you through to your favorite delivery joint.  We're sure they'd be more than happy to oblige. 

Q: What is your favorite war?

A: The Civil War, followed by WWII.

Q:  How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A:  First of all, woodchucks can, and do, chuck wood, quite often for that matter.  Secondly, why are you wasting our time with such useless ponderences as these.  Wouldn't you much rather, looking back on this incident, have asked a question with some bearing on your life.  Or even just something that you have always wanted to know.  Try this for example:  What is the proper procedure for fruit fermentation?  Or perhaps this:  How come God never answers my prayers?  Is he really there, listening?  Really, there are a milion questions you could have asked us that would have been better than the aforementioned, tongue-twister.  I highly suggest that you take a moment right now to reflect on your own personal state of being.  Then, formulate some real questions and return.
 
 
Q:  Is it possible for a woman to heavily resemble Sam the Eagle and still be somewhat attractive?
 A:  This is a question that has vexed us greatly, but in answer to your question:  Absolutely!  Sam the Eagle is one of our favorite Muppets...although he is a man...and an eagle...yes--the answer is still yes.  It's possible.